The Best Bar Jokes to Impress Your Bartender

Want a free drink the next time you are at the bar? Try one of these bar jokes on the bartender.

It’s likely they won’t give you a free drink but it doesn’t hurt to try. What’s the worst that can happen? 

You get kicked out of the bar because the jokes are so bad. Who cares, there’s always more bars.

Speech Impediment

Drinking with a speech impediment?

It’s whiskey business 

The Homeless Man

A man was walking through a bad part of town when a homeless person came up to him and asked him for 1 dollar. 

The man asked, “will you buy alcohol?”

“No”, replied the homeless man.

Then the man asked, “will you gamble it away?”

“No”, replied the homeless man.

Then the man asked, “can you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to people who don’t drink and gamble?”

Whiskey Dress

Q: What's the difference between a sexy dress and a bottle of Whiskey?

A: A sexy dress can make one girl look hot, a bottle of whiskey can make all girls look hot.

Proper Passing

McTavish is on his death bed. He calls over his friend Hamish and says, “I have a bottle of 25-year-old whisky under my pillow. When I’m dead would you do me a kindness and pour it over my grave?” 

“Of course, I will,” replies Hamish. “Though I might be passing it through my kidneys first.”

Alcoholic Ghost

Q: What does an alcoholic ghost drink?

A: BOO'S  

Drunk Dial

Q: What do you say when you're gonna drunk dial someone?

A: Al-cohol you 

Sick girl

Why did the girl blow chunks all over the house?

She wasn't party trained. 

Drunk Driving

If you can’t drink and drive. Then why do you need a driver’s license to buy alcohol?

Drunk Irishman

O’Ryan was too drunk to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. 

As he staggered along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” Said the officer.

“I’m going to a lecture.”  Slurred O’Ryan.

“And who might be givin’ a lecture at this hour of the morning?”  The policeman asked.  

“My wife.”  Said O’Ryan. 

The Quick Drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.

Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

What did you think of these bar jokes?

Let us know your favorite by leaving a comment below.